Reality Check: This WILL Happen



"They are SO mean on Twitter."

 Right now, as a wanna-be blogger, I'm slackin'. I post less than Chris Bosh does. I produce less than Vince Carter in Crunch-Time. I put up less numbers than Michael Redd's kneecaps. I got all kinds of issues, My ISSUES got issues, and I'm not updating what is SUPPOSED to be the dopest blog in the land enough, but it's cool, because it's STILL the dopest blog in the land. The season starts in less than 48 hours.  Skip Bayless, Bill Simmons, John Hollinger,  and especially Zach "Bacon" Harper at Talkhoops.net, they all pontificate, subjugate, evaluate, palpitate and insinuate their season previews. I'm gonna tell you what exactly is gonna happen this season. As I type, I'm watching Ahmad Rashad try to slurp Kobe, telling him he doesn't "need" the same motivation MJ needed; the same guy who woulda spent millions to pay for the medical situation that  would have allowed him to take Michael Jordan's child into his man-made womb if MJ woulda lrt him, is now tryna put Kobe into the conversation with Mike. Ms. Cleo has temporarily given me the gift of sight (Ms Cleo and the fact that I know what the &%#@& I'm watching), so I'm gonna bless you, the NBA reader. As an NBA fan, I hold these truths to be self evident...




 

1. One of the 3 following teams will win the 2011 championship: Miami Triple Threat, LA Lakers, or the    

Boston Celtics. I'd bet anyone, any time, any where.

2.The Miami Heat might not win the champiuonship, but they will DESTROY alot of teams, win a butt-ton of games, and are gonna have nights where we wonder if they'll ever lose. The vitriol and venom is aimed at the Heat. The message board fake-gangstas are trashing the Heat, saying that they're overrated, they don't have the talent to support the hype. Be real. LeBron screwed over a city (and by Electricity, a whole state), but statistically he can't be touched. the foolish babble about Durant being the "best player" is pure media-driven hogwash. Best scorer? Durant, hands down. Best player to build around? I'll take LeBron's 29.7 pts, 8.6 asts (DUDE IS 6'8". 270 LBS!!!!!) and 7.6 boards over Durant's 30.1 ppg, 2.7 asts, and 7.6 boards ANY DAY. Look  at those assists numbers again.  And damn, Dwyane Wade, who's been missing through the whole "what's wrong with the Heat???" preseason, put up 26.6 points, almost 5 boards, and, most importantly, 6.5 DIMES A GAME last year. That's over 15 dimes a game between those Heat's two primary ballhandlers. Why are some fools claiming that the 2 stars can't co-exist, as if  they have some kind of selfishness syndrome?  And somehow, Bosh got stuck this label of being some kind of lame, just along for the ride with these 2 superstars. 24/11/2.4 steals and a block. Bad team or not, those are elite numbers. In the preseason games I watched, Bosh shut that talk down. His jumper was wet, he drove to hole with authority, he used crafty shimmies and fakes on the low box...Bosh is doing exactly what he did in Toronto, with alot more room to fry his opposite number. We are going to witness history.

24 min 5 sec. Yao shuts it down.

3. Yao Ming will play well but get hurt at some time and miss significant time. It's all well and good to try to limit Yao's minutes protect him, but we ALL know the old adage: if you're out on the court worried about getting injured,sooner or later (probably sooner than later), you WILL get injured. No real baller can thrive on such a rigid minute farce. If you had a sleek top-of-the-line SUV with a known bad axle or a faulty transmission, would you be scared, driving it only to the store 6 miles away at 8 miles and hour, no more, no less? Or would you go out and get a less awesome but more dependable vehicle? It's getting to that point with Yao. The Rockets will be exciting to watch, may make a surprisingly deep playoff run, but the absence of Yao will sink 'em in the playoffs, Ground Hog Day-style...Kevin Martin will score in bunches, Aaron Brooks will cook and look unstoppable at times, and Budinger's a legit NBA threat, but where's that ROCK for that squad, the dude to get tough buckets down the stretch when there's 3:13 seconds left and they're down 7?

NOT the recommended box-out.

4. Orlando has a motivated D. Howard (you're a multi-millionaire with physical gifts no one else in the league can touch- why the HELL weren't you motivated last year? You're paid to do one thing: pay basketball really, really well. Why didn't you holla at Hakeem last year, or the year before???). Orlando also is depending on the ultimate dog-player/frontrunner, Vincent Carter. VC HAD breathless talent; but he admitted to dogging it in Toronto, and he's gakked in all his bigtime moments- he is what he is. He's not-good when it matters. He worried about being a star without ever being a star. He'll find a way to trip up the Orlando Magic. They won't win one until they go through a mini-rebuilding and shed that idiot Carter's contract. I saw a mock deal to Denver for Carmelo an' Chauncey for Peaches/Reddick/Bass and Carter and Jameer, which would have given Orlando it's best shot. if the Magic wins a 'ship this year I'll eat one of VC's "I suck at life" hats. Let's be real; you can't teach "playing nasty", so Howard hasn't learned how to play nasty. He's a physical freak, he'll probably win 2 or 3 'ships sometime in his career, but this Orlando team is a Regular Season Killa and Playoff Pansies.



taken yesterday. They've already given up.

5. Let's be real. Dallas is like the Cowardly Lion- they just don't have the heart. The basic talent is there- Boubeaouis is freakin' Tony "Longoria" 2.0 with a J; Dirk is a 7 footer raining Js, Jason Kidd is Mr. Do-It-All M.C. Guess what? 2 of those 3 have been the exact same for the last 13 years. Who exactly is gonna make Dallas an elite team? Caron Butler? Yeah, if this was 4 years ago when he was a dominant player. Tyson Chandler? He couldn't hold Kevin Love's jockstrap this summer at the World Games. Prediction- Dallas wins 50+ games and flames out in the 1st two rounds of the playoffs. Dirk isn't an Alpha. Jason Kidd's hanging on but he won't put a team that needs a serious 2nd star like Dallas does over the hump.  Jason Terry will give you 20 on some ridiculously in-the-mug jumpshots in losing efforts as usual. Stop playing, that's the Dallas max.

6. Who else, San Antonio? C'mon, Tim Duncan is still a very, very, very, VERY good player, but the years haven't just caught up with him., they've built condos on his back and strip clubs in his knees. Yeah, he'll give you 17-20 ppg and 8-12 boards in the monitored minutes Pop will give him, but with the athletic freaks all over the center and PF landscape, how is this throwback gonna lead his team to the Ring? When's the last time we saw Manu and Tony Parker dazzle on a consistent basis? When's the last time we saw San Antonio string a 4 week period of dominance together? Can you see the Spurs, with no perimeter stopper, dealing with 7' Durant, jumping jack Ibaka, and X-Men mutant Westbrook in 7 games? Be real; Splitter will help, George Hill will help, but in what reality are they beating LA, Miami, or even OKC? The Spurs have fallen back to the pack.



"Weeee SUUUUUUUUCK!!!!"



7. The Nugs window is nailed shut. Carmelo's girlie-drama and Kenyon Martin's mentally deficient reasoning (dude, you're PAID for what you DO, not for what you MAY DO IN THE FUTURE; any time you miss games is stealing money) already got the Nuggets out of the picture. Chauncy's overrated at this point, Nene' is good but not that bomb big man they need, JR Smith is insane...they're like the Atlanta Hawks West.

"Yaaaay! Chcaaago!"

8. Utah Jazz? We love Deron Williams, BEST PG IN THE L, (can't wait to see him somewhere in Texas in 2013!) and we love Jerry Sloan, in my opinion the best coach in the league over his career; he took Karl Malone, Stockton, and the 99 Cent Store Clearance rack to the finals, and more recently he molded Deron, Boozer, and The Other Jacksons into "contenders" (getting Wesley Matthews an bloated contract from the Blazers in the process). But...be real...

9. The Nets Terrence Williams will catch some poor soul slippin' and destroy all nonbelievers with one of those once-in-a-generation, reality twisting, make-me-scream-while-watching-from-the-couch monster poster dunks....

10....kinda like Rose did.

11. Also. Anthony Randolph will put heads to bed.

12. And Javale McGee will make it punch-time at lunch-time.

13. Blake Griffin will be Rookie Of The Year. I like John Wall, he's got his own style, carries himself like a star (I refuse to use "swag". Not gonna happen...), but if you've seen Griffin in the preseason, you've seen an animal ready to be unleashed on the bigs of the league. He can snag double-doubles in his sleep, goes to the rim with bad intentions, and he's got that elusive "motor" so many GMs would give their first-born child for their power forward to have.

"THE ICE-CREAM MAN IS COMIIIING!!"

14. This year will mark the 1st noticeable of the slow-but-steady decline of Kobe' Bryant. Say what you will, at least I admitted that he IS the league's best....but age + mileage on his knees + lingering finger problems -LeBron's prime -KD's ascension to an elite player = Kobe' finally reliquishing the "Best Player" label at the end of the season. I'm not hatin', not saying he'll suck, or any of the old "Aw, hell naw, youza hata!!!" standbyes....Lakers fans, enjoy him while you can, it's goin' down...