Yo, Kobe'. &^$%# Just Got Real.

Pau delivers in the clutch. And in a scarf.

Ah, the NBA is on an' poppin'; teams are past the "getting in gear" phase (except the Magic, they got another 2 week window to get it together). Remember the DEFCON-1 when Miami stumbled out the gate, the "I think LBJ and Wade are beefing!" rumbles and the "Spoelestra is GONE!" muttering? Yeeeeeah, about that. And how about LA bullyfooting out the gate, rolling to 8-0, then 14-2, while Pau displayed the full tool chest he has at his disposal, Shannon Brown unleashed his devastating long-range game and came out scorching,  and Kobe' played the facilitator, when the "LA is so good they're bored" talk had LA fans foaming at the mouth? To paraphrase that ol' Jay-Z song "it was all good just a week (ok, about 3 weeks) ago..." LA fan But LA is approaching the crucible of it's season; starting with the Bucks playing custodian by mopping the floor with a LA in front of a disgusted Staples Center crowd, and followed by a 16 point shellacking on a national by the resurgent Heat, the schedule ratchets up the opposition level; before LA lost to the Bucks, a wearing down Pau Gasol said, "You have to start tightening things up. You want to see some progress."  At the time they were 21-7, giving the "all-business" sound bites as the fervor built for the Christmas showdown with Miami. Since then... 0-2, their 5th loss to a sub-.500 team (last year around this time they were 21-4;  they hadn't lost their 1st game to a team with a losing record until their 35th game. And while 21-9 is perfectly respectable, watching LA from the 1st week and a half compared to the disjointed performances from the last 2 losses is like night and day. Now, this isn't me crowing about the Fall of the Lakers; if Boston taught us anything with their Rope-A-Dope performance last year, it's that to veteran, established teams, the regular season is less about W's and more about fine-tuning rotations and maintaining health (which is why even I, a Laker-hater, feel bad for Pau Gasol; almost 40 minutes a game for a not-particularly-athletic 30 year old big is tough). But even the most pro Pro-Lakers apologists like the writers at Silver Screen And Roll have to admit that, with opponents winning a paltry 41ish% of their games (that's like a 12-17 record, gross). It all averages out, though, with the 2nd half of January sees LA battling foes with a projected 65% win percentage, and from there on out the opposition projects at +.536. LA IS still the team to beat, no doubt; their resume' earns them that much. Artest has got to do SOMETHING on offense, and Pau has to return to his November (12 g, 20 ppg, 12.3 rpg, 54% from the floor), and Bynum needs to move from "potential" to "bonafide" if LA is going to duplicate the success of the past 2 years. On deck- Tuesday San Antonio Express rolls into town. Good luck with that...

Day Zero: What We Learned

Don't Do it. Don't look at Boston's 88-80 stifling of the Heat and start the hand-wringing and sneering about how MIAMI SUCKS or I KNEW THEY WOULD BE HORRIBLE. Just stop. Along with the harsh glare of opening night shining on the Heat, here's what we learned:

*Miami has a ways to go; ESPN construction of a dedicated news team JUST for the Heat and people like Jeff Van Gundy smoking a bowl and then declaring them 72 game winners put alot of pressure on 'em, and last night we saw that, simply put, they're not ready. BUT-

- To open with the Celts was one of THE worst scenarios for MIA. THe Celts are the epitome of supreme defensive squad , their suffocating defense ranking 1st, 2nd, and 5th  in John Hollinger's Defensive Efficiency in the last 3 years. (The 5th place finish last year is misleading; Garnett, Rasheed n' Co. sandbagged the regular season and stepped up at the end, cumulating in the throttling of the Magic and Cavs in last years playoffs, then giving the Lakers ALL they could handle in the Finals). Boston's disciplined rotations, paint-clogging bigs and swift close-outs on the perimeter were too much for the still-developing Heat squad.

- Mike Miller is going to be a HUGE part of the Heat offensive attack; his sharpshooting, passing, and rebounding (no, really) are expected to lead that 2nd unit and boost the Miami Thrice. Right now, he's a spectator due to a cracked thumb.

- 3 minutes does not a preseason make. This was basically Dwyane Wade's 1st on-court action since the Celts bounced him from the playoffs, and it showed. He seems out of rhythm and lacked that Burst,  going for a weak 13 pts on 25% shooting. Give Wade a week and a half of court time before we proclaim the LBJ/Flash experiment a failure.

- 1 game does not a legacy make. Bosh had a crap game with 8 and 8. It's one game. He's a 25 and 10 guy. I got faith he'll make up for this clunker.

What else did we learn Opening Night?
- Lakers are even BETTER than last year. Just typing that makes me wanna sit in a dark room with a bottle of brandy and a cigarette. Shannon Brown might have made the biggest sacrifice of any player this off-season, passing up bigger money and minutes to play his position in LA. If he shoots even close to the way he did last night, he's going to be a problem for the rest of the L. Matt Barnes looks like he was made for this squad. All the Steve Blake nay-sayers? Shhhhhhh. It's amazing how playing with quality teammates brings the best out of even those considered "mediocre".
-Pau Gasol is the best center in the league right now. He's toughened up, he boards, he can shoot, and he's got a full toolbag of post moves. I hate him.  His 29/11 and 2 blocks somehow wasn't the headline, but it should have been.
- Speaking of centers; if you KNOW Yao is only playing 24 minutes, shouldn't the coaching staff down in Houston wouldn't force the issue a little, get the team to STOP SHOOTING JUMPERS while Yao's out there??

Phoenix is in big trouble, and Portland is gonna be good. As much as I think we'll see Amar'e struggle without Nash, the Suns now have a gaping 25 ppg hole in the middle. Nash may still have" It", but if you got no one to pass it to, you end up with 26 points (good...), 6 asts (eh..), and 9 TOs (What the..?!?). Hedo Turkoglu's Karma is kicking him in the crotch; I bet he cries into the obscene amount of money he stole from Toronto every night, thinking about throwing lobs to Dwight Howard.
Nicolas Batum  = Bruce Bown 3.0?

That's enough of what I learned...what else stood out on Opening Night?

Reality Check: This WILL Happen



"They are SO mean on Twitter."

 Right now, as a wanna-be blogger, I'm slackin'. I post less than Chris Bosh does. I produce less than Vince Carter in Crunch-Time. I put up less numbers than Michael Redd's kneecaps. I got all kinds of issues, My ISSUES got issues, and I'm not updating what is SUPPOSED to be the dopest blog in the land enough, but it's cool, because it's STILL the dopest blog in the land. The season starts in less than 48 hours.  Skip Bayless, Bill Simmons, John Hollinger,  and especially Zach "Bacon" Harper at Talkhoops.net, they all pontificate, subjugate, evaluate, palpitate and insinuate their season previews. I'm gonna tell you what exactly is gonna happen this season. As I type, I'm watching Ahmad Rashad try to slurp Kobe, telling him he doesn't "need" the same motivation MJ needed; the same guy who woulda spent millions to pay for the medical situation that  would have allowed him to take Michael Jordan's child into his man-made womb if MJ woulda lrt him, is now tryna put Kobe into the conversation with Mike. Ms. Cleo has temporarily given me the gift of sight (Ms Cleo and the fact that I know what the &%#@& I'm watching), so I'm gonna bless you, the NBA reader. As an NBA fan, I hold these truths to be self evident...




 

1. One of the 3 following teams will win the 2011 championship: Miami Triple Threat, LA Lakers, or the    

Boston Celtics. I'd bet anyone, any time, any where.

2.The Miami Heat might not win the champiuonship, but they will DESTROY alot of teams, win a butt-ton of games, and are gonna have nights where we wonder if they'll ever lose. The vitriol and venom is aimed at the Heat. The message board fake-gangstas are trashing the Heat, saying that they're overrated, they don't have the talent to support the hype. Be real. LeBron screwed over a city (and by Electricity, a whole state), but statistically he can't be touched. the foolish babble about Durant being the "best player" is pure media-driven hogwash. Best scorer? Durant, hands down. Best player to build around? I'll take LeBron's 29.7 pts, 8.6 asts (DUDE IS 6'8". 270 LBS!!!!!) and 7.6 boards over Durant's 30.1 ppg, 2.7 asts, and 7.6 boards ANY DAY. Look  at those assists numbers again.  And damn, Dwyane Wade, who's been missing through the whole "what's wrong with the Heat???" preseason, put up 26.6 points, almost 5 boards, and, most importantly, 6.5 DIMES A GAME last year. That's over 15 dimes a game between those Heat's two primary ballhandlers. Why are some fools claiming that the 2 stars can't co-exist, as if  they have some kind of selfishness syndrome?  And somehow, Bosh got stuck this label of being some kind of lame, just along for the ride with these 2 superstars. 24/11/2.4 steals and a block. Bad team or not, those are elite numbers. In the preseason games I watched, Bosh shut that talk down. His jumper was wet, he drove to hole with authority, he used crafty shimmies and fakes on the low box...Bosh is doing exactly what he did in Toronto, with alot more room to fry his opposite number. We are going to witness history.

24 min 5 sec. Yao shuts it down.

3. Yao Ming will play well but get hurt at some time and miss significant time. It's all well and good to try to limit Yao's minutes protect him, but we ALL know the old adage: if you're out on the court worried about getting injured,sooner or later (probably sooner than later), you WILL get injured. No real baller can thrive on such a rigid minute farce. If you had a sleek top-of-the-line SUV with a known bad axle or a faulty transmission, would you be scared, driving it only to the store 6 miles away at 8 miles and hour, no more, no less? Or would you go out and get a less awesome but more dependable vehicle? It's getting to that point with Yao. The Rockets will be exciting to watch, may make a surprisingly deep playoff run, but the absence of Yao will sink 'em in the playoffs, Ground Hog Day-style...Kevin Martin will score in bunches, Aaron Brooks will cook and look unstoppable at times, and Budinger's a legit NBA threat, but where's that ROCK for that squad, the dude to get tough buckets down the stretch when there's 3:13 seconds left and they're down 7?

NOT the recommended box-out.

4. Orlando has a motivated D. Howard (you're a multi-millionaire with physical gifts no one else in the league can touch- why the HELL weren't you motivated last year? You're paid to do one thing: pay basketball really, really well. Why didn't you holla at Hakeem last year, or the year before???). Orlando also is depending on the ultimate dog-player/frontrunner, Vincent Carter. VC HAD breathless talent; but he admitted to dogging it in Toronto, and he's gakked in all his bigtime moments- he is what he is. He's not-good when it matters. He worried about being a star without ever being a star. He'll find a way to trip up the Orlando Magic. They won't win one until they go through a mini-rebuilding and shed that idiot Carter's contract. I saw a mock deal to Denver for Carmelo an' Chauncey for Peaches/Reddick/Bass and Carter and Jameer, which would have given Orlando it's best shot. if the Magic wins a 'ship this year I'll eat one of VC's "I suck at life" hats. Let's be real; you can't teach "playing nasty", so Howard hasn't learned how to play nasty. He's a physical freak, he'll probably win 2 or 3 'ships sometime in his career, but this Orlando team is a Regular Season Killa and Playoff Pansies.



taken yesterday. They've already given up.

5. Let's be real. Dallas is like the Cowardly Lion- they just don't have the heart. The basic talent is there- Boubeaouis is freakin' Tony "Longoria" 2.0 with a J; Dirk is a 7 footer raining Js, Jason Kidd is Mr. Do-It-All M.C. Guess what? 2 of those 3 have been the exact same for the last 13 years. Who exactly is gonna make Dallas an elite team? Caron Butler? Yeah, if this was 4 years ago when he was a dominant player. Tyson Chandler? He couldn't hold Kevin Love's jockstrap this summer at the World Games. Prediction- Dallas wins 50+ games and flames out in the 1st two rounds of the playoffs. Dirk isn't an Alpha. Jason Kidd's hanging on but he won't put a team that needs a serious 2nd star like Dallas does over the hump.  Jason Terry will give you 20 on some ridiculously in-the-mug jumpshots in losing efforts as usual. Stop playing, that's the Dallas max.

6. Who else, San Antonio? C'mon, Tim Duncan is still a very, very, very, VERY good player, but the years haven't just caught up with him., they've built condos on his back and strip clubs in his knees. Yeah, he'll give you 17-20 ppg and 8-12 boards in the monitored minutes Pop will give him, but with the athletic freaks all over the center and PF landscape, how is this throwback gonna lead his team to the Ring? When's the last time we saw Manu and Tony Parker dazzle on a consistent basis? When's the last time we saw San Antonio string a 4 week period of dominance together? Can you see the Spurs, with no perimeter stopper, dealing with 7' Durant, jumping jack Ibaka, and X-Men mutant Westbrook in 7 games? Be real; Splitter will help, George Hill will help, but in what reality are they beating LA, Miami, or even OKC? The Spurs have fallen back to the pack.



"Weeee SUUUUUUUUCK!!!!"



7. The Nugs window is nailed shut. Carmelo's girlie-drama and Kenyon Martin's mentally deficient reasoning (dude, you're PAID for what you DO, not for what you MAY DO IN THE FUTURE; any time you miss games is stealing money) already got the Nuggets out of the picture. Chauncy's overrated at this point, Nene' is good but not that bomb big man they need, JR Smith is insane...they're like the Atlanta Hawks West.

"Yaaaay! Chcaaago!"

8. Utah Jazz? We love Deron Williams, BEST PG IN THE L, (can't wait to see him somewhere in Texas in 2013!) and we love Jerry Sloan, in my opinion the best coach in the league over his career; he took Karl Malone, Stockton, and the 99 Cent Store Clearance rack to the finals, and more recently he molded Deron, Boozer, and The Other Jacksons into "contenders" (getting Wesley Matthews an bloated contract from the Blazers in the process). But...be real...

9. The Nets Terrence Williams will catch some poor soul slippin' and destroy all nonbelievers with one of those once-in-a-generation, reality twisting, make-me-scream-while-watching-from-the-couch monster poster dunks....

10....kinda like Rose did.

11. Also. Anthony Randolph will put heads to bed.

12. And Javale McGee will make it punch-time at lunch-time.

13. Blake Griffin will be Rookie Of The Year. I like John Wall, he's got his own style, carries himself like a star (I refuse to use "swag". Not gonna happen...), but if you've seen Griffin in the preseason, you've seen an animal ready to be unleashed on the bigs of the league. He can snag double-doubles in his sleep, goes to the rim with bad intentions, and he's got that elusive "motor" so many GMs would give their first-born child for their power forward to have.

"THE ICE-CREAM MAN IS COMIIIING!!"

14. This year will mark the 1st noticeable of the slow-but-steady decline of Kobe' Bryant. Say what you will, at least I admitted that he IS the league's best....but age + mileage on his knees + lingering finger problems -LeBron's prime -KD's ascension to an elite player = Kobe' finally reliquishing the "Best Player" label at the end of the season. I'm not hatin', not saying he'll suck, or any of the old "Aw, hell naw, youza hata!!!" standbyes....Lakers fans, enjoy him while you can, it's goin' down...