My man Melo,
As a player, I like you, man. You've came a long way from the dough-boy knucklehead out of Syracuse. Watching D. Wade win championships and LeBron strong-arm the L while you score bucket after bucket for a team spinning it's wheels in the shadow of the Lakers out west must have been tough, but you matured from the Hood DVD-cameoing, punk-slapping-n-running, weed toting kid to a dude actually worried about his career. Here's the thing that no one wants to say to you, Melo, but the sooner you hear it, the better for your future: You're just not as good as you think you are, homie. Let's not get it twisted; you're a prime-time scorer. You can get buckets any time, anywhere, and you've shown you can be clutch. I dig it, you're definitely a top 5 shot-maker, teams will throw throw handfuls of cash at you for it. But Melo, you're not in the Mt Olympus of Wade, LBJ, Kobe'. You're just not. Yeah, you're really, really good, but how do you play 2 more minutes a game over 2008 (up to 38.2), yet average LESS rebounds (6.2, less than Ilyasova, less than DeJuan "No-Knees" Blaire in his 18.6 minutes a game)? I know what you're saying, Melo, "My job is to win ball games, not rebound". Man, 3.2 assists a game?? How dare you. That's less than Josh freakin' Smith, Trevor Ariza, and Boris Diaw! Look, Melo, I get it; you're Big Time now. But I watch your zero defense, your falling in love with the the "dagger" 3 even though you shot less than 32% for the season and 30% for your career, and I wonder, who do you think you are? I see Wade slaughtering Dallas in the '06 Finals, LeBron dominating the Pistons in the '07 ECF, and I think, can YOU show that kind of killer mindset? Why is Billups still taking clutch end-of-games plays, why aren't you putting an end to that crap? Oh, and you show up at media day and pull a Bill Clinton - "I did NOT ask for a trade." Yeah, right. You're a bomb scorer, you seem like a stand-up guy, so realize...you're not a franchise 'ship winner. You're not on par with the heavy hitters in the league. Play your position; play out your contract, do what you need to do next summer in free agency, no sweat. I mean, yeah, the Nuggets backed you on the DUI arrest, the "that ain't mine" weed run-ins, the girly-punch Knicks brawl, the "Stop Snitchin'" crap...but this IS a business. What I'm saying is, you're not LeBron, and you're making yourself look real foolish with this primadonna crap. To sum up: Melo, stop bein' a ho.
Sincerely,
YES! The Nail In The Coffin
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