See, what had HAPPENED was....

What?!?! October 27th was the LAST post?! It's not my fault, coach. I'll fill y'all in on the tale of bullets, mistaken identity, and shift Colombians with big guns that had me MIA later, let's just say that whoever the real Justin Nellerton is, he should thank me for dealing with the Lionaza family for him. Can't believe it's been that long; since then we've got excessive successes, suprise flops (*ahem*Miami*cough*), and as always, some dope basketball. Quick hitters:

MIAMI HEAT

OK. Um. My bad. Wait...what? So I figures if you take 3 of the top 5 or 6 STATISTICAL players from last year, add 2 really good spot-up shooters, throw in the janitor (or hell, even me), you'd see an offensive explosion, Shock and Awe in South Beach. WRONG. WRONG.They've "righted the ship" recently, winning 8 in a row, but damn. 9-8? It was like if someone had used a time machine, uniting 80s Michael Jackson, vintage James Brown, and Luther Vandross, and they come out singing "Rumpshaker" and "Stanky Leg".

NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN

OK, out the gate, the Fakers Lakers, the Hornets (huh?), the Celtics, and the Spurs killed. A quarter of the season passed; LA has stumbled a little, with a 4-game swoon, some uninspired play, and they are KILLING Pau Gasol (some call NBA bigs work horses; then somebody needs to call the ASPCA, cuz Phil Jackson heaping 40 minutes a night on his 30 year old back is downright cruel), the Hornets are looking like the Washington Generals in this piece (6 field goals in the 1st half last night. Against a pathetic Philly team. CP3 is gonna look GOOD in Knicks blue-n-orange), but the Spurs and Celts, both anchored by PFs who played for James Naismith (I'm playin', but KG and Duncan are OLD), are both just chuggin; along, gobbling up wins. The Celts (KG, Ray Ray, Pierce, and Shaq average out to 35 years old) defensive execution, led by a '02 Kevin Garnett, is a nightmare for all comers, and the Spurs' (Duncan, Ginobili, and TP average almost 32 years old) new-found offensive juggernaut is being driven by Manu and "Text Pimp" Tony Parker, letting Duncan take his Centrum Silver in peace (yeah, it's a career low 14 and 9 a game, but the minutes are nice and low, he's gearing up for the play-offs).

YOUTH IN REVOLT

Blake. Griffin. Highlights don't do him justice. For a 21 year old about 20 games into his 1st season, to be considered Must See TV is incredible. I've watch John Wall, and dude is extra nice, no doubt. BLAKE is on another level; he already has a season's worth of highlights, and he has the um, admiration of vets such as Ron Artest (pause...) and Amare Stoudemire. Once the Clips slip the shackles of Baron "Fat Boy" Davis' crappy contract and get a real coach, they will beast with Griffin (20 ppg(!), 11.7 rpg(!!)), and Eric Gordon (24 ppg, 4.6 apg) leading the charge. DeMarcus Cousins put the "revolt" in "Youth In Revolt"; the whispers about his attitude have become a dull roar in Sac Town, and he's already been kicked out of a practice because of his behavior, but his game is obviously tight. The question "Why did Philly draft &$%# Evan Turner?!" is a valid one; dude can barely crack the rotation, and as a #2 overall pick on a turrrrible team, that's NOT a positive sign.

Alot more to cover: The Rise of Westbrook, the Flight of Amare', The Young Team Conundrum, but Rome wasn't built in a day, and YTNITC won't be rebuilt in one session...but once I finish puttying over these bullet holes in my kitchen I'll work this blog back to respectability. Shout out to Zach Harper at talkhoops.net; his work kept me in the loop while I was evading Cartel goons and setting up contract killers in desert ambushes.